Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
