i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
