i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
