Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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