Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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