Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
