im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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