I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
