I've blown a few things in my day
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, beer. Big fan.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
