I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
