he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
