Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
