I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
