I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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