the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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