i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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