Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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