At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
