Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
