Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
