He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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