Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
