Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
