oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
