no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
