She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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