Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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