there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
