You're my little dorito
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
