drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
