just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
home. puking in laundry basket.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
