If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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