He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His hands were made for my vagina.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
