my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
