Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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