Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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