please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
