I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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