she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
