Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
