Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
