From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
