And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
