Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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