so explain again why im purple
no
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
