I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
