remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
