I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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