my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
