Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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